journal entries

10-10-2022, 17:03
first journal entry on this website. i've been working on this and listening to mcr obsessively. it's fall break~ im glad that i don't have to work for a couple days, at least. but i'm going to have to finish an ap art history assignment while i actually have energy to do it. it's a group project, and we don't get very much done during class haha. i'm not really sure what to put on this website tbh. whatever i feel like. but i'm generally a pretty boring person, so there's not very much to put on. making this is pretty fun though, even if i have no idea what i'm doing.

10-10-2022, 23:03
getting a booster covid vaccine tomorrow. anyway my chemical romance has been in my head for the past few hours why does it sound so good?? like i can't stop listening to it/thinking about it. i really don't understand. i know that it'll stop feeling this strong soon because it usually does (although it will still sound great). i just wish i knew why certain things just... feel different? and then they don't, which is disappointing when they're good. right now however i wish that i could be absorbed into the music. just... whisk me into it like cake batter. how do i even express this? that sounds weird lmao. i'm pretty tired right now which doesn't help my usual brain-jumbled-up-ness but it's very very bad right now.

10-10-2022, 23:53
oops not goodnight... haha. i'm going to ask my mom for a black parade shirt i think, i've wanted one for about a month? not really sure how long and i don't every ask for anything. but i also don't want her to look them up i don't think she'd like it very much and then what if she "judges me" or something. but also... mcr...

10-13-2022, 11:43
yesterday i did math hw AND listened to mcr. ha see i get get my brain to function sometimes. now i have to get it to work again today. i was really tired yesterday too because i got a covid booster and i never feel great the day after. i'm glad that's over now lol. it's nice having this place where i can say pretty much whatever i want to. i stayed up until 1:30 last night which is not good at all but at least today is a day off.

10-13-2022, 20:17
i spent the last hour looking at youtube comments on a video about thomas kinkade it was infuriating. people kept defending him and saying "art doesn't have to be deep." sure, maybe it doesn't have to have a ton of meaning, but "art" showing the same thing over and over again sort of crosses the line into mass produced garbage. they're still making stuff after he died, it's not like he made it super unique. and he was conservative which takes off points for me.
in my opinion, there is a different between art and entertainment. entertainment is meant to not have much thought put into it, like kinkade's paintings. just a quick "that's pretty" or "poor them" or something along those lines. art actually has some amount of meaning in it; it wasn't created purely for its pleasing aesthetic value (even if it does look pretty). a painting showing the same thing over and over and over again that was produced purely to make money would fall into the entertainment category. what is the meaning in mass-produced surface-level happiness? even if people in the youtube comments are saying how they feel nostalgia about kinkade's paintings since they were in their dead grandmother's house, it doesn't give the paintings themselves meaning. entertainment is a form of low art. the message in kinkade's paintings is at most "give me money i want to be rich and in return i will give you a mediocre painting" and "look it's jebus the light is really pretty wow look at this spectacle give me money to be a good christian (tm)."
this is also somewhat related to ai-generated art. an artist is what gives the art meaning, not the audience's reaction to it. the audience finding the image to be aesthetically pleasing does not mean that it is art because there is no artist to give the art meaning.
this is really jumbled right now, i'm going to edit it later

10-14-2022, 10:51
actually i don't feel like editing i'm just going to keep typing here. what's really irritating is when they say "it's better than banana taped to a wall" WHEN THAT BANANA IS EXPRESSING THE SAME THING THEY ARE. they would like that art if, i don't know, they researched it instead of basing their opinion purely on aesthetics? and this one incredibly stupid person said they preferred it to "van gough." they couldn't even spell his name right.
one other thing that's irritating is that people kept saying people who criticized it needed to learn how to "seperate the art from the author." first of all, even if you do, the paintings are incredibly average. they really do look like ai-generated art. that's not even mentioning the really jumbled messes of paintings that the worst ones are. second, the artist will always influence the art; the art needs an artist to be art. knowing that he was a conservative christian influences it since the light just represents jesus and god and that's pretty much the deepest you can go with the art. knowing that he was just trying to make as much money as he could influences it because it makes it appear so much emptier. he's just trying to fake something and that makes it so saccharine-sweet that it feels ingenuine (which it most definitely is). only trying to make money doesn't make good art just because you think it looks nice. it's not bad to interpret art a different way from the actual meaning, but you can't keep saying that it's a "masterpiece" or whatever because it's just not that good.
they also acted like it was a binary between "good thomas kinkade art that uses traditional elements of art" and "bad modern art that just throws everything away it's all just literal piles of garbage that they call art." people like that really love binaries for some reason. can't imagine why. anyway, sure, not every piece of modern art is good, and there are groups of people just trying to make money off of it (hmm, sound familiar? almost like... that's the same thing kinkade was doing!). but there's also good modern art that doesn't have to be super traditional. they also mentioned "random splatters of paint poured onto a canvas and calling that art". they mentioned jackson pollock a few times and how paintings like his were low-effort. if they actually knew anything about what they were talking about, then they would know that not all of pollock's paintings were just random splatters. he made his art to trace the movement of his body. not really just pouring paint on a canvas in a minute and calling it a day? and his paintings were unique; they are identified by the fractals that are found inside them. it is most definitely art, and better art then "jebus is light gimme money." not all modern art is bad just because it's modern?
this was written poorly because i was just really irritated that they are acting like kinkade is high art. whatever, i guess it's ok as a puzzle or on a greeting card or something, but that doesn't mean you can say that it's better than art that actually means something. entertainment is fine, but you can't replace art with entertainment. it's like saying that some disney channel show is objectively better than a hitchcock movie just because they enjoy it more. it's fine to like those things, but you can't claim that they are the absolute pinnacle of art when they are nowhere close.

11-30-2022, 21:16
hahah im going to die ive been procrastinating on an art history project and it's due tomorrow ahhahaha
on another note i need to make a list of the tv i've been watching bc i can't keep track of how many shows i've started
so
death note - episode 13
ouran high school host club - episode ??
what we do in the shadows - episode 2
spy x family - episode 2
the umbrella academy - episode 1

12-2-2022, 22:54
i also want to start saiki k and mob psycho 100 bc some of my friends watch it

12-18-2022, 13:02
i have an algebra test tomorrow that i need to study for but i haven't yet.... i'm so so tired and i can't think. i just have two more tests until winter break. i am so ready for a break i can't keep going for much longer. i'm listening to the black parade rn and i think i'm going to get a mcr shirt for christmas i'm very excited :) i hope that i'll be able to look queer to other people. i'm going to be out next semester in all my classes. world history is safe according to [redacted1], german teacher's linkedin looks safe, idk about chem but i'm going to anyway. and then eng/seminar. idk if i should come out or if i should just wait? [redacted2] asked me if i would come out in those classes and i told them that i wasn't looking forward to it. especially seminar the teacher hates me. and according to [redacted1] their friend tried to use a different name and the teacher said "what's wrong with you" or something. so... i'd like to avoid that. pretty badly. english i might just do tomorrow tbh. i'll probably be the only one in class.
i had a piano recital yesterday but i messed up... oh well i'll practice more next time. i didn't have much time to practice bc i was in a band pit for a musical. it was actually really fun and it means i am now a theater/band kid >:) hehehe
i looked thru world history's twitter likes and she liked a trump tweet... oh great. i'm going to ask [redacted1] again bc i really would prefer to not be hatecrimed! you know!

2-17-2022, 14:30
hello i am now a whole 1x years old. i can't believe it
こんにちは！僕の名前はアシュです。お名前は何ですか。 日本語はあまり話せません。
i'm bored. and tired. i am in school but we arent doing anything so i'd kind of like to just go home but i can't...